Writing Through Grief

It’s been a while since I’ve published a post (a month, actually). The reason? My life was derailed by the sudden and unexpected death of my partner’s father.

We were left dumbfounded, lost, and ladened with grief. None of it made sense. He was here one day–smiling, laughing, running a business, planning a trip to Japan–and gone the next. He had a lot of life left to live, a lot of ground to travel. Surely, this was a mistake. Surely, he would arise from the hospital bed, brush himself off, and ask for the score of his favorite soccer team’s latest game.

writing as a tool to soothe grief and heal

His passing shook me to the core. I found myself questioning the importance of my own life–did any of it matter? Was I really making a difference? And I found myself breaking down at odd moments throughout the day and crying uncontrollably. And yet, I had to be a rock for my partner. I had to hold him when he felt weak and listen when he needed an ear.

Through it all, I wrote.

I wrote long, rambling stream of consciousness-type pieces. I filled pages in my sketchbook (which I use for free writes and idea generation; I like the lack of lines and quality of the paper). I found myself thinking in poetry, and I wrote it down.

I know writing helped lift me out of this dark time. It was an outlet for my tangle of feelings.

And it’s something I’ve used in the past to slice through polluted clouds and find a lungful of clear air. I’ve used free writing to cope with troubled relationships, unemployment, and general listlessness. Sure, it doesn’t solve all my problems or change circumstances, but it does clear my head and give me the courage to step forward. And sometimes, that’s all it takes.

People deal with tragedy in different ways. If you’re feeling lost, troubled, depressed, confused, I recommend picking up a pen and paper. Write without judgment or premeditation. Let your emotions do the talking. You might be amazed by what ends up on your paper.

Aside from free writing, I found myself thinking in haikus this past month. I can’t exactly explain why, but I have a hunch that it had something to do with the reliability of haikus. They have a definite structure (three lines, 5-7-5 syllables) and there’s something comfortable in their stability. I ended up calling my haikus the Loss Haikus.

Loss Haiku #1
The shuddering breath
We cry with bodies entwined.
Is he really gone? 
Loss Haiku #2
Eyes swollen from tears
Skin draped over tired bones.
Was it me who died?
Loss Haiku #3
Charcoal fog hanging
I bite into the sorrow
and keep on walking

Kate Bitters is a  freelance writer and marketer. She has published two novels: Elmer Left and Ten Thousand Lines

Author: KateBitters

Kate Bitters is a Minneapolis-based author and freelance writer. She is the author of Elmer Left, Ten Thousand Lines, and He Found Me. One of her proudest/nerdiest moments was when Neil Gaiman read one of her short stories on stage at the Fitzgerald Theater.

2 thoughts on “Writing Through Grief

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